saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
