im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
