She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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