i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
