Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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