the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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