Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he shaved USA in his pubs
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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