The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
