Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
