I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
