oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think my moral compass just broke
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