Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
