I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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