If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
