24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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