I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
