New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
