Umm I'm too high to move.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
