Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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