btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
