So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
