I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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