I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
