Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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