He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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