what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
