Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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