Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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