Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
