I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I touched a dick in church today
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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