You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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