I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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