oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
