If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
