i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
