M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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