She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
