I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
