the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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