thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
