my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
