life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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