just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you will always have a special place in my vag
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
