that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
