There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
