Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
