i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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