the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
