I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
