i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
