Porn is love you can see.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
