i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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